This past weeks have provided a series of amusing classroom scenarios. Not unlike the time I told my Spanish teacher (in Spanish of course) that if I ever met Antonio Banderas I would feed him money, my kids have some confusion with certain words.
For instance, in one class of 9-year-olds, we are learning about clothes. Every day I ask the kids to tell me what they're wearing. We get to Nick who tells me that he's wearing panties. (Where he learned this word by the way, I don't know). After chocking back a laugh I tried to explain that boys shouldn't say that they're wearing panties. And that of course was fuel for the fire because this started a trend with the boys. They think they're being rebellious in telling me that they're all wearing panties when of course in reality...no, just...no.
So the next day the class gets settled and I ask them all what they're wearing. This time the boys proceed to tell me "I'm not wearing any panties!" (thunk, thunk, thunk)
Yesterday, in my 6:00pm class of 13-year-olds, the kids were hungry. They kept begging me to buy them noodles. I was all "no I'm not buying you noodles" and thus I paid the price. In class that day they had to read a dialogue from their book. The dialogue went something like "Hi Barbara, ready to go to the movie?" "Yeah, but first lets take a walk around the park." "Ok, hey that guy is fishing!" "Hello, I can't seem to catch any fish, I'm not having any luck." "You don't need luck to catch fish, you need to be a good fisherman." And scene. These dialogues rarely make any sense.
Anyway, this dialogue, read aloud by the class turned into "Hi Barbara, ready to eat noodles?" "Yeah, but first let's eat noodles." "Ok! Hey that guy is eating noodles!" "Hello, I can't seem to catch any noodles, I'm not having any noodles." "You don't need noodles to catch noodles, you need to be a good noodleman."
I quit.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A Korean Production
Friday after work, I was hanging out at E-World waiting to go to Karaoke or "The Singing Room." (It's not really karaoke, it's a small room they put you in where they make you sing in front of your friends in an enclosed space, it's the definition of awkward).
Anyway, I was waiting and one of the older students came up to me and started talking to me. She was a really good speaker and she was asking me questions and our conversation lead to her inviting me to see a theatre production the next day.
So of course I went, despite the fact that I knew I wouldn't understand what was going on. I figured I'd at least understand the actions and expressions and whatnot.
So we're watching the play and I'm trying to figure out whats happening, and basically I'm just becoming more and more confused.
The show ended and I summarized the play as such. The play was about a group of poor children who were wandering around when they ran into an old blind man who told them about all his problems and woahs. Then all of a sudden, evil clown muggers came out of nowhere in these huge clown fros and beat up the children and stole their possessions. Then the old man, who apparently had at one point been a part of The Matrix, attacked the clown muggers in slow/fast Matrix fashion. The end.
As strange as it was, I mean, I stage managed Mrs. McThing so nothing can surprise me.
But I was curious, so I asked the girl who brought me what the play was about. She said it was about a group of kids who wanted to buy a horse from an old man but the old man lost the horse.
What? What about the evil clown muggers? Where did horses come into play? I never saw a horse! What does a group of seven children need with one horse?!?
Seriously, what did clowns have to do with anything??
In conclusion, I guess the dialogue was pretty essential, and in this case I wouldn't say the actions spoke louder than the words. I'm baffled.
Anyway, I was waiting and one of the older students came up to me and started talking to me. She was a really good speaker and she was asking me questions and our conversation lead to her inviting me to see a theatre production the next day.
So of course I went, despite the fact that I knew I wouldn't understand what was going on. I figured I'd at least understand the actions and expressions and whatnot.
So we're watching the play and I'm trying to figure out whats happening, and basically I'm just becoming more and more confused.
The show ended and I summarized the play as such. The play was about a group of poor children who were wandering around when they ran into an old blind man who told them about all his problems and woahs. Then all of a sudden, evil clown muggers came out of nowhere in these huge clown fros and beat up the children and stole their possessions. Then the old man, who apparently had at one point been a part of The Matrix, attacked the clown muggers in slow/fast Matrix fashion. The end.
As strange as it was, I mean, I stage managed Mrs. McThing so nothing can surprise me.
But I was curious, so I asked the girl who brought me what the play was about. She said it was about a group of kids who wanted to buy a horse from an old man but the old man lost the horse.
What? What about the evil clown muggers? Where did horses come into play? I never saw a horse! What does a group of seven children need with one horse?!?
Seriously, what did clowns have to do with anything??
In conclusion, I guess the dialogue was pretty essential, and in this case I wouldn't say the actions spoke louder than the words. I'm baffled.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Angry Birds
Now, in the U.S., people have spoken of the Angry Bird craze. People love to play it. They might even get caught playing it at work instead of actually working. People are addicted to the game.
But you people have no idea. NO idea. In the U.S. Angry Birds is a craze, in Korea, it's an OBSESSION. An obsession, I dare say, more severe and intense than perhaps The Spice Girls or Pokemon. Or even Beanie Babies. Yeah I said it.
Let me give you an idea. I teach eleven classes at E-World. Eleven classes of varying ages between six and thirteen. Not a day or even a class has gone by where the words "Angry Birds" has not been mentioned at least one time. NOT ONCE.
There are Angry Bird pencil cases, Angry Bird apparel, Angry Bird backpacks, pencils, erasers, phone cases, must I go on....
But that's not all. I have asked each of my classes to split into two teams and come up with a team name. Mind you, this would make 22 teams in total. Now, let me list the team names I have. Let's see, there's "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Bird," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," and my favorite: "Team Angry-Bird-Chicken-Dog."
Now can you say originality?
When I ask my young classes what their favorite animal is, about half of them say "My favorite animal is...Angry Bird!" And I don't know how to tell them that it's not a real animal. Mostly because there no way to explain this to a group of screaming children who only know how to recite colors, shapes, and animals. But also, I can't break hearts like that.
They draw Angry Birds in all of their workbooks, and all over my board when I'm not in the room. EVERY SINGLE DAY I walk into my room and there are Angry Birds all over my board.
My favorite incident involving Angry Birds, however, was the time I had one of my classes playing Pictionary with animals. Of course I got the expected Angry Bird drawing, but then Nick, the class clown, came up to the board and began to draw an Angry Chicken. But he was laughing so hard because the thought of an Angry Chicken was so funny to him that he drew about half of it and then ended up on the floor laughing so hard that he couldn't catch his breath. It was so contagious. Needless to say, that was the end of Pictionary for that day, and there was no getting that class to focus for the rest of the period. So I let them draw Angry Birds.
Now, as for someone who has never even played Angry Birds, I don't understand it. But I'm starting to think I'm really missing out on something here...
But you people have no idea. NO idea. In the U.S. Angry Birds is a craze, in Korea, it's an OBSESSION. An obsession, I dare say, more severe and intense than perhaps The Spice Girls or Pokemon. Or even Beanie Babies. Yeah I said it.
Let me give you an idea. I teach eleven classes at E-World. Eleven classes of varying ages between six and thirteen. Not a day or even a class has gone by where the words "Angry Birds" has not been mentioned at least one time. NOT ONCE.
There are Angry Bird pencil cases, Angry Bird apparel, Angry Bird backpacks, pencils, erasers, phone cases, must I go on....
But that's not all. I have asked each of my classes to split into two teams and come up with a team name. Mind you, this would make 22 teams in total. Now, let me list the team names I have. Let's see, there's "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Bird," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," "Team Angry Birds," and my favorite: "Team Angry-Bird-Chicken-Dog."
Now can you say originality?
When I ask my young classes what their favorite animal is, about half of them say "My favorite animal is...Angry Bird!" And I don't know how to tell them that it's not a real animal. Mostly because there no way to explain this to a group of screaming children who only know how to recite colors, shapes, and animals. But also, I can't break hearts like that.
They draw Angry Birds in all of their workbooks, and all over my board when I'm not in the room. EVERY SINGLE DAY I walk into my room and there are Angry Birds all over my board.
My favorite incident involving Angry Birds, however, was the time I had one of my classes playing Pictionary with animals. Of course I got the expected Angry Bird drawing, but then Nick, the class clown, came up to the board and began to draw an Angry Chicken. But he was laughing so hard because the thought of an Angry Chicken was so funny to him that he drew about half of it and then ended up on the floor laughing so hard that he couldn't catch his breath. It was so contagious. Needless to say, that was the end of Pictionary for that day, and there was no getting that class to focus for the rest of the period. So I let them draw Angry Birds.
Now, as for someone who has never even played Angry Birds, I don't understand it. But I'm starting to think I'm really missing out on something here...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Trouble: Part 1
Today was the perfect day to go because it was nice and cool out. So I walked to the path and I started to go along it. Everything was going fine and I was excited because I was so curious where this path lead to. The path took a sharp turn, and thus, so did I. To my surprise, I was suddenly face to face with a bull/cow thing. Bull cow. Bull cow? Anyway, it came out of nowhere. And it looked pissed. It was staring at me angrily and it was kicking its hooves and brushing dirt back like a Torro in a bull fight.
I was so shocked and freaked out that I couldn't move. Nor could I stop looking at it straight in the eyes which is what I'm pretty sure you're NOT supposed to do. So naturally, I slowly raised my camera, took a picture, and then backed away. I was too scared to run because I thought maybe it would chase me or something. I have no idea what these animals are about. Do they attack? Or could I have just walked on by it like it was nothing? Most importantly, WHAT IS A BULL COW THING (?) DOING ON A HIKING PATH???
I seem to always have really weird experiences with anything related to the cow family. I once was driving back from Pittsburgh after seeing Falling Waters and I was tired. My GPS offered a more direct route than the highway and I trusted it. See where this is going? Long story short, I ended up driving through (what basically was) a field of cows, who were NOT happy to be interrupted. They mooed at me so angrily and they looked so mad; I could not have driven away faster. It was terrifying. I think I'm developing a cow-phobia.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The Alien Card
What a process it is to get your alien card! Not that I should have expected different considering the Visa process.
Everyone needs so many pictures of me. The hospital, the school, the alien card people...and I ran out of pictures, so I had to go to a photo place to get more. Now in America when I went to get a passport photo, they sat me down, took out a crappy camera, told me not to smile, took one picture and bam I was done, no matter how bad I looked in the picture**.
**On that note, my pictures did come out pretty bad, and the Korean teachers asked me if I was drunk or really tired or sick when I took my photo because I look so bad and I just said "probably." They're so blunt here, I don't know how to react. I DO know that I'm going to have to figure it out sooner or later because it's only been two weeks and I've already been asked if I was sick because I "look[ed] tired." Thanks...
Anyway, here I had to go to a professional photography studio. They put all these lights around me and they spent ten minutes trying to get me to straighten my shoulders. Which, consequently, leads me to believe that I have naturally crooked shoulders or something because when they came over to me and "straightened" my shoulders, I felt all lope-sided. Maybe I've been walking around crooked my whole life! When my shoulders were finally "straight" or whatever, they took a zillion pictures of me, but they did let me smile, which I was grateful for despite the fact I wasn't particularly in the mood because I was so focused on attempting to stay crooked, or straight depending on how you see it.
On top of it all, I have to wait a few days to get the pictures back because they are going to edit them and airbrush them and all, which I'm pretty sure defeats the purpose of a passport photo. Aren't I supposed to look like myself?
Everyone needs so many pictures of me. The hospital, the school, the alien card people...and I ran out of pictures, so I had to go to a photo place to get more. Now in America when I went to get a passport photo, they sat me down, took out a crappy camera, told me not to smile, took one picture and bam I was done, no matter how bad I looked in the picture**.
**On that note, my pictures did come out pretty bad, and the Korean teachers asked me if I was drunk or really tired or sick when I took my photo because I look so bad and I just said "probably." They're so blunt here, I don't know how to react. I DO know that I'm going to have to figure it out sooner or later because it's only been two weeks and I've already been asked if I was sick because I "look[ed] tired." Thanks...
Anyway, here I had to go to a professional photography studio. They put all these lights around me and they spent ten minutes trying to get me to straighten my shoulders. Which, consequently, leads me to believe that I have naturally crooked shoulders or something because when they came over to me and "straightened" my shoulders, I felt all lope-sided. Maybe I've been walking around crooked my whole life! When my shoulders were finally "straight" or whatever, they took a zillion pictures of me, but they did let me smile, which I was grateful for despite the fact I wasn't particularly in the mood because I was so focused on attempting to stay crooked, or straight depending on how you see it.
On top of it all, I have to wait a few days to get the pictures back because they are going to edit them and airbrush them and all, which I'm pretty sure defeats the purpose of a passport photo. Aren't I supposed to look like myself?
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
S-T-A-R-I-N-G
I went to the doctors a few days ago because I needed to get a Korean check-up or whathaveyou. Lydia, a fellow teacher and a Korean, went with me. I brought along a book because you know, the doctors office, yada yada.
So we get to the doctors office and turns out, it's actually a hospital. A hospital complete with people walking around with IV stands. I had to get a dental check-up, a physical check-up, and an X-Ray. Now, I expected all of this to take about three hours or more, you know, standard American lets-keep-you-waiting-as-long-as-possible procedure.
Well I was so wrong. I practically had to run through the hospital to keep up. Here lets take your blood, here let's check your eyes, here lets check your teeth, here lets give you a freaking X-Ray. Bam bam bam. It took 30 minutes.
And I appreciated the swiftness of it all. It did really freak me out however. I mean they don't even care about your name or anything, they just get you in and out of every room, it was like some sort of weird scavenger hunt game. They didn't even ask for my passport.
And believe you me I stick out like a sore thumb. It is so strange to have to get used to people staring at you everywhere you go like you're some sort of alien. People literally stop in the street and stare at me. Children follow me. Old ladies scowl. Sometimes it's a confidence boost. I feel like I'm kind of a big deal. And the guys think I'm hot. They like big noses and small faces here, so I'm pretty set. Barbra Streisand should consider visiting.
We were at the bar last night and these Korean across from us had a bet that Canada was below America. Now, I'm not going to judge, because I can't say I immediately placed Korea on a map as soon as I found out I was coming here. I at least I knew it wasn't high above China.
Point is: bars, supermarkets, school, hospitals, nowhere is safe. I'm not going to fit into a crowd for a whole year. Strange.
So we get to the doctors office and turns out, it's actually a hospital. A hospital complete with people walking around with IV stands. I had to get a dental check-up, a physical check-up, and an X-Ray. Now, I expected all of this to take about three hours or more, you know, standard American lets-keep-you-waiting-as-long-as-possible procedure.
Well I was so wrong. I practically had to run through the hospital to keep up. Here lets take your blood, here let's check your eyes, here lets check your teeth, here lets give you a freaking X-Ray. Bam bam bam. It took 30 minutes.
And I appreciated the swiftness of it all. It did really freak me out however. I mean they don't even care about your name or anything, they just get you in and out of every room, it was like some sort of weird scavenger hunt game. They didn't even ask for my passport.
And believe you me I stick out like a sore thumb. It is so strange to have to get used to people staring at you everywhere you go like you're some sort of alien. People literally stop in the street and stare at me. Children follow me. Old ladies scowl. Sometimes it's a confidence boost. I feel like I'm kind of a big deal. And the guys think I'm hot. They like big noses and small faces here, so I'm pretty set. Barbra Streisand should consider visiting.
We were at the bar last night and these Korean across from us had a bet that Canada was below America. Now, I'm not going to judge, because I can't say I immediately placed Korea on a map as soon as I found out I was coming here. I at least I knew it wasn't high above China.
Point is: bars, supermarkets, school, hospitals, nowhere is safe. I'm not going to fit into a crowd for a whole year. Strange.
Monday, September 19, 2011
A Deer In Headlights
Oh man, so yesterday was my first day of teaching. I go into the school a few hours early to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Now I had assumed (which should send up a red flag here) that my first few days were training days and that someone would be guiding me along or something. Incorrect. I was thrown to the sharks yesterday. (I almost said literally and then I realized I'm teaching English, I should try and use it properly).
I taught seven classes yesterday, and I had no idea what I was doing in any of them. I tried to play the name game with them, but this proved impossible. Nonetheless, I played it with every class for lack of any better ideas. I hate the feeling of having a class of students looking at you for answers or something and you just look back at them like "uhh well, I guess you all know you're shapes so....ummm, colors? Damn you know you're colors too. Smart kids, I'm screwed."
Today I have six classes to teach, and I'm equally as unprepared despite my attempt to figure out some activities for them. I've decided I'm going to have to learn to do a lot of time-wasting, and procrastination activities with these kids. They seem like they know everything.
Of course I talked this over with one of the Korean teachers. I was telling her the kids were so smart and she was like "wait a week, they you'll be all 'these kids are so dumb'." I doubt it, but hilarious all the same. Although, I can see where she's coming from after correcting some papers last night. In all honesty, grading the papers just made me feel sad for my Spanish teachers throughout school. The things they had to decipher...
Some of the papers were very amusing, and some where just disturbing. The one essay question was "I wished I looked like...because..." Reading these responses just opened my eyes to how superficial this culture is in ways. A lot of the kids (these are 9/10-year-olds) talked about having plastic surgery and bigger eyes and paler skin, yada yada. But I think the fact that the question was asked is telling enough.
The other question was "If you become a mother or father in the future, how would you bring up your kids?" These were my favorite to read. Some of the kids talked about bringing up their kids strictly for revenge. My favorite quotes was "I would do motherly things so they will think "my mother was very laborious, sorry!" Laborious, gotta love it.
Moral of the story, I must work on being less efficient. That's right, less efficient. Any advice?
I taught seven classes yesterday, and I had no idea what I was doing in any of them. I tried to play the name game with them, but this proved impossible. Nonetheless, I played it with every class for lack of any better ideas. I hate the feeling of having a class of students looking at you for answers or something and you just look back at them like "uhh well, I guess you all know you're shapes so....ummm, colors? Damn you know you're colors too. Smart kids, I'm screwed."
Today I have six classes to teach, and I'm equally as unprepared despite my attempt to figure out some activities for them. I've decided I'm going to have to learn to do a lot of time-wasting, and procrastination activities with these kids. They seem like they know everything.
Of course I talked this over with one of the Korean teachers. I was telling her the kids were so smart and she was like "wait a week, they you'll be all 'these kids are so dumb'." I doubt it, but hilarious all the same. Although, I can see where she's coming from after correcting some papers last night. In all honesty, grading the papers just made me feel sad for my Spanish teachers throughout school. The things they had to decipher...
Some of the papers were very amusing, and some where just disturbing. The one essay question was "I wished I looked like...because..." Reading these responses just opened my eyes to how superficial this culture is in ways. A lot of the kids (these are 9/10-year-olds) talked about having plastic surgery and bigger eyes and paler skin, yada yada. But I think the fact that the question was asked is telling enough.
The other question was "If you become a mother or father in the future, how would you bring up your kids?" These were my favorite to read. Some of the kids talked about bringing up their kids strictly for revenge. My favorite quotes was "I would do motherly things so they will think "my mother was very laborious, sorry!" Laborious, gotta love it.
Moral of the story, I must work on being less efficient. That's right, less efficient. Any advice?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)